This is the hardest week

I’ve been debating writing this post, but I think it’s important to talk about real things that happen in life versus the mask we put on to pretend everything is ok.  This blog is about going from nothing to fulfilling a dream so lets start with the nothing part.  I want people to truly understand what nothing means.  We are going on C not really working for 3 weeks.  All of our bills are paid, we have food on the table, and until friday every other dime that we have is going towards gas in the car.  Things haven’t always been like this, and things wont always be like this, hence the blog.

I am usually really good at hiding the fact that every morning I check our account to see how much I have to sell to make it through the day, how much gas we can put in the car, or whether or not i can get myself a cup of coffee at the shop.  It’s stressful but I do it, and I do it with a smile on my face.

Today though was a tough day, and it was a very embarrassing day.  My son’s school had a Thanksgiving breakfast for the parents.  He is already at a disadvantage because he is disabled.  I try and make sure I go to every school event he has so he knows how much he is loved.  I filled out the paperwork last week, put it on my calender, had C drop baby girl and I off in the morning, and went and sat with A at his Thanksgiving breakfast.  he was so excited!  Somewhere in all this I had missed any sort of notification that the parents had to pay to be there.  So there I was in the line with $0 and no way to pay for breakfast.  I was mortified.  So I put my food down and went back to the table only to have the lunch lady come and bring me a tray of food which made it even more horrifying.  So I put my game face on, was there for my son, was nice to the staff, went home when it was done and cried.

i can’t wait till friday

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