It seems that as we get closer and closer to our goal I realize more and more about what we are doing and why we are doing it. At first it started out as us wanting to finally be self sufficient. We are at a place in our lives where we can’t be living like this anymore. We can’t be living paycheck to paycheck praying that we can feed our children, pay for gas, or constantly asking people to help us with things. I FEEL like I am taking advantage of people. Whether or not I actually AM isn’t the point, I feel like I am and I don’t like it. We should be helping others more than asking others for help. I’m not saying we should never ask for help, that’s silly. Everybody needs help at one point or another, it’s the fact that I feel like I am constantly asking for help that upsets me.
During this process we made the decision that we were going to use our resources to help others become more self sufficient and confident in themselves. We know how it feels to be in that situation. How tiring it is, how down on yourself you get, and how hard it is to get out of it. We want to show people how they can. We want to have excess food to give to people, we want to teach people how to cut down on their monthly spending, become better members of the global society, and we want to give away our excess income to aid others. This is something we are very passionate about.
One thing we don’t want to do is boast about it. I honestly believe that real charity asks for no praise. Most of the charity we do is anonymous, It’s between us and God. Nobody else has to know, in fact most times I never see the response to my charity. There is a part of me that wants to, but I know it’s best for me if I don’t.
The sermon at church today was about just this, which is what has spawned my post today. One of the things he brought up was that it’s ok to consider ourselves saints. We have such a stigma on the term “saint” from the Catholic church, but (if I have this right), we are actually saints in that we are sanctified by Jesus. As much as I may agree with this sentiment I will consider myself sanctified but I know myself better than to consider myself a saint. Not that I am not a saint, because by this definition I am, but because once I start to consider myself a saint I will start to think more highly of myself than I should. I do not want to put my actions on a pedestal, I do not want to mentally pat myself on the back for doing good, or boast about my actions to others. I know that I need to separate myself from this in order to remain humble. I do these things because I am no better than anybody else.
He also spoke about our own personal ministry. How we minister to other people. To me, this project is my ministry. Now don’t get me wrong, C does not share my religious ideas, this isn’t a “we are going to make you feel uncomfortable if you don’t share our religious beliefs” kind of project. Not in the least. C is agnostic, I was a Buddhist for 11 years, some of my family is Muslim, we have friends of every religion, we love everyone. Am i going to hide my religion from you to make you feel comfortable? No. Am I going to push it on you and tell you that you are going to hell for not believing in Jesus, or that you don’t deserve my love? Never, that’s absurd. Before i converted to Christianity someone from my old church, while trying to convert me, asked me how I will feel when my son comes to me someday and asks me why i’m ok with going to hell. my response was 2 fold: 1) Buddhists don’t believe in hell and 2) No child of mine will ever tell another person that they are going to hell. No matter what religion they chose it is their job to love other people, leave the judgement up to God. I still strongly believe in the later. I also believe that Buddhists don’t believe in hell, but I’m not a Buddhist anymore.
There are 2 things I will not hide from you. The first is that my love comes from Jesus. I love you as Jesus loves me. The second is that no matter what religion you are, or non religion, I feel it’s important to find people that keep you grounded. For years I went to church even though I wasn’t a Christian because it kept me closer to the person I wanted to be. I reminded me that I am not perfect and that I needed to put others before myself. Without it I become selfish and egocentric. I lose my peace, and I don’t like myself. I urge you to find people to talk to, find a place to worship, find what makes you a better you.
We want to help others find their peace. It’s so easy to become caught up in the craziness and constant hurry of life but there is so much more to life than that. We need to step back and find what makes us happy, what helps us breath. That to me is life.