I just can’t

we are going to have up and we are going to have downs. I knew going into this that the downs were going to be pretty bad in the beginning but as we get more done they should level out, until the ups outweigh the downs. I put the wrong amount in for a bill we had paid (we owed $40 more than usual on our rent check because we used more electricity last month). I mistakenly wrote the rent amount instead of the actual amount of the check. If it goes through tomorrow we will be overdrafted. I am franticLly praying it does not go through tomorrow but I know it most likely will. With the overdraft charge there is no way we can submit the building plans this month. I feel like this whole month has been a wash. We bought the plans at the end of last month with the intention of getting the building plans approved soon after but money just seems to be absolutely hemorrhaging. At this point I just want to give up and say “screw it it’s not gonna happen” but that would serve no purpose, so instead I’ve separated myself from the family for a 30 minute “cool down” period.  C and I need a break and it’s just not going to happen. We have nobody to watch the kids and even if we did we don’t have any money. I just keep telling myself that we are doing this for the greater good. We have to go through these trials first. It will work out, just not in our timeframe. So I’ll swallow my pride and not put aside money for the house in this paycheck and maybe at the end of the month we can submit the plans. It’s upsetting because it sets us back a while other month. I just hope that when its all said and done I can look back and laugh. Or at least not want to cry. 

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