I’ve heard a lot recently about parent shaming. Not that this is a new concept or anything. It’s just made the rounds once again of being a talked about subject.
I try very hard not to participate in it. Although I have a found myself guilty of the condescending glance when our parent talks about their hospital birth, their disposable diapers, or not vaccinating their kids. I try not to say anything if it’s not necessary, and most of the time it isn’t.
We as parents have become so afraid of parent shaming that at times I think we put it above the well-being of ourselves and our own children. We are afraid to leave our children in a well ventilated locked car for five minutes so we can run into a gas station to pee. We are afraid to let our children play alone in our own front yard. We even allow parent shaming to affect the way that we discipline our children.
So why don we do this to each other. Are we so afraid that our child is going to be less perfect than another person’s child. So we have to create a scenario where we win. We have to have the police and CPS on speed dial just in case we see a child who may possibly under some crazy circumstances may be in danger. We no longer have conversations with each other as parents or have faith in each other we immediately jumped to crazy conclusions. Now yes I admit there are those instances when we would be right but in my experience the people who actually break the windows, call the police, call CPS do not wait to have the full story they don’t care about the repercussions of their actions will bring.
Now I would consider myself an attachment parent. I carry my kids on me, they follow me everywhere, that even sleep in the bed with me when they’re little. But I also want my children to have their own independence. I want them to get dirty. I want them to learn how to make the wrong decisions. I want them to make mistakes. I don’t want to have the perfect children. I understand that my child is probably going to get in trouble at school at some point and it will probably be their fault, not the teachers. I understand that my children probably get some bad grades. They will have to learn the hard way on some things. And that’s all OK. And it’s also OK that I parent differently than you do. I’m not better than you because of it. I’m not worse than you because of it. I’m just a parent trying to survive until my kids are all out of the house. So let’s stop trying to win the parenting game. The only people who lose are our kids.
He’s been about two weeks since my last post. It’s a little bit but I’ve been busy, but more that I haven’t really had much to say. We are still on the job hunt. C was turned down for unemployment so we’re fighting that. Growing season ended and we had our first frost. We collected the last of the peppers all that we lost a lot. We still had plenty for ourselves though. We are getting by. I’m really glad that we’re able to save as much food as we did. We are hoping that he will have a new job by the end of the year.
My grandmother passed last week so will be making a trip down to Maryland as beginning of next month. It was expected she has been really sick. It still isn’t something that I’m at all looking forward to.
I’m really thankful to have the support of family and friends that we have especially when times are tough like this. I know they’ll come back up. They always do.
Hopefully soon we’ll have better news for you guys but in the meantime I’ll try and post more updates.
I know I have said it before but I honestly believe we are where we are supposed to be right now. Yes money is tight and yes we aren’t sure right now how most of our bills are going to be paid, but we are happy and I know deep down everything is going to be ok. It’s a Sunday. Right now C is upstairs playing with the oldest 3 while I am downstairs with the little taking care of some chores, doing some work, and having a little “me” time. It also helps that a friend gave us a glimmer of hope today. Nothing set in stone yet but things may be getting better. This is the first time I have felt somewhat relaxed while thinking about chores. It’s the first time in a while I have been able to really enjoy my kids.
I think this is the way life should be. I also sent off a bunch of applications yesterday. There are two in particular I wouldn’t mind doing. The first is a substitute teacher. I think I could really enjoy that. The second is a forensic biologist. Please pray that everything works out the way it’s supposed to.
we are still here and are still hanging on! We have a game plan too. We applied for unemployment and food stamps. If they go through it won’t be until the end of the month. We are still hoping he will get hired on full time somewhere. He is still applying places everyday. Until then we are promoting our businesses. C is a leather worker. You can find him on Facebook at Wildland Outfitters. He does custom leather work and makes archery equipment, including bows and arrows. I am still with Mary Kay and I also work with him at Wildland Outfitters doing soft leather and cloth garments. I am also applying to be a substitute teacher. Hopefully all of these together will make us enough money to survive and still be able to build.
im going to embarrass my husband. We may be going through a hard time. I know he is stressed that he cannot find a job. I’m a little stressed but i know he will do what he needs to do to support his family. He is a good man, the best i have ever known. He is a hard worker and incredibly loyal. There are two things he doesn’t stand for 1) employers who demand respect but don’t return it and 2) employers who are intimidated by intelligent workers. This second reason is the main reason why he needs to work for himself and why the farm is the perfect place for him. He is by far the smartest person I have ever met. He tends to think outside the box and is an amazing problem solver. It’s hard for him to work for other people sometimes. Especially when they are intimidated by smart people. I love to watch him work the farm. He’s really in his element there. He gets to work the land, build things, grow things, feel productive, and the best is that he gets to figure things out. I know he is stressing about his job situation and I know it’s making him I’ll, but he is a good man. A very good man, and he will figure it out. He always does. And if he doesn’t then I will. 🙂
we have of course been trying to save money. We needed to get more water the other day so we packed up and ran out to fill up the jug. We get all the way out to the water filling station and realize we had forgotten the pipe that connects their pipe to our jug. We had 3 options. 1) drive all the way back home and then back there, wasting precious gas 2) let the water try to flow into the small opening in the jug (wasting at least 3/4 of the water) or 3) try to ding something to act as a pipe. We went for option #3. This is what we came up with:
Yes those are camp pants we found in the backseat of the truck they worked really well for what we needed. No wasted gas and very little wasted water.
Today C is trying to fix the chainsaw so we can take down some of the trees in the driveway (our landlord is wanting to expand the driveway so it can drain better and be less treacherous. It will also serve as firewood for us this winter.
I said in my last post that I’m depressed, and in a way I am. I wake up every morning thinking “holy crap how are we going to pay our bills” and I go to sleep thinking “maybe tomorrow will bring an answer” and I dream about money and I stare at my phone most of the day hoping to find some sort of an answer. I get waves of panic throughout the day. I don’t want to be around people.
Aside from the stress, I like this life. I like having my husband home. My kids like having him home. We belly laugh more, we hug more, we don’t yell at our kids anymore, our house is cleaner, we made bread together, canned a gallon of apple butter, made plans for the farm. We are happier and it reinforces the fact that the farm is what we are supposed to be doing. I love my husband and my kids more now than I did three weeks ago. I just wish we could get paid to do this. I need to hold on to the idea that someday we will.
i know its been a while since I have posted. I think I’ve almost been afraid to. Nothing has changed other than the fact that it’s getting worse. C still doesn’t have a job. He applies to about 5-10 places a day. He has had 2 interviews so far. He even had someone help him update his resume so it looks more appealing. He was working through a temp agency but they didn’t have any work for him after one week of working there. He is applying for unemployment but we don’t know yet if that’s going to come through. I’m afraid we are going to lose the property we worked so hard to get. I’m getting together my resume today and applying places too. I haven’t worked outside the home in almost 8 years but right now we have to do whatever we can to get back on our feet. I’m also depressed. I’m trying very hard to not let it effect me but it is. We haven’t been out to the farm in over a week. It’s been a downward spiral. Even though we have a lot of food stored right now we are going to apply for food stamps so we can have the things we didn’t store, like flour, milk, oil, cheese, and butter. My car battery keeps dying but we can’t afford a new one right now so C keeps jumping it whenever we need it. We have been using his truck (which actually is a nicer vehicle and gets better gas mileage) but the wheel bearing went out in it then other day (while we were driving it). So we had to get that replaced. Thankfully it didn’t cost too much and Chris replaced it himself (on the side of the road in the rain). Although right now anything is too much. We are saving the check from the temp agency so we can pay his car payment next week. That gives us three more weeks from today to find another $180 to pay that. Hopefully one of us will have a job by then. Please pray that we do.