A long december

“There is reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last”

I know it’s easy for me to think about how hard we have it right now, but looking back on this time last year we are still in a tough spot, but we are so much closer to our goals. 

This winter is really breaking my heart though. 

One of the things I love the most about C is that he expects respect from people. No matter what he is doing he does it with the thought that he is an equal with everyone around him, which includes those above and below him. The problem with this is that most people want to feel that they are superior to someone and this makes him an easy target for people. It’s frustrating for him because it would be easy to roll over and let people treat him however way they want, but he has four kids watching him and he doesn’t want them to think that’s ok. He wants them to see people as equals too, and to not be walked on. 

He’s been doing odd jobs and applying wher he can.  After the new year I think we are both going to be much more aggressive about our applications. I have been working my business more and doing a lot of commissioned sewing. 

His unemployment was finally approved. It was denied at first but after the hearing they ruled in his favor. Now his old boss has until the 28th to appeal, which he probably will. 

I think the most heartbreaking part of where we are right now is seeing the disappointment in my children. We try to teach them that things aren’t what is important, that love and people are, but they are still kids. This week is Christmas spirit week at my son’s school. He is so excited about it. He comes home yesterday and tells us that tomorrow is “dress like and elf” day. We can’t buy him an elf costume. I don’t even know where to get one.  It was in my mind all night because I really wanted him to be able to participate. I looked through all my fabric and found a green cotton evergreen print and small bits of red fabric. I was up until midnight sewing him an elf tunic with red trim and a brown belt. This morning I woke him up, dressed him head to toe in bright green and told him I had a surprise for him downstairs. That he had an elf costume that mommy made.  He was so excited and kept hugging and kissing me. We get downstairs and I put it on him and he starts to cry. It wasn’t what he wanted. He was so upset and dissapointed. I took it off of him and held him while we both cried. I asked him if I could try and fix it for him. How I could make it better. He looked at me, smiled a half smile, and put it back on. He helped me finish the belt so it for him and he told me he liked it a lot better with the belt.  I was shattered from it, but at the same time I’m so proud of my little boy for thinking of others before himself and wearing it otherwise.  I pray he has a good time at school with it and comes home with stories of how great it was. I feel like he’s Dolly Parton wearing her mamas coat. I wish I could have done better for him. 

We are making it though and once the new year hits it will be even better. I know it.  We keep improving every year.  We will get through this. We have no other choice. 

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