A clarification

I feel that I must clarify my latest blog post. The post was not meant to be “church bashing” in any way and I am deeply sorry if any of you read it that way. That was my fault. 

Here is how I should have ended my post. Both churches that I have had the pleasure of calling home are wonderful places of worship with fantastic people who attend them. We all go through different stages in our lives and sometimes find ourselves needing a change of scenery. The first church I spoke of has genuinely loving people who attend.  In my instance I felt they fell short, as most churches do in some way or another, and I felt that leaving was the only way for me to grow. That doesn’t mean they aren’t a great and loving church. 

The second church has some of the most amazing and kind hearted people I have ever met. People that I would not want to burn bridges with either.  I am leaving, at least for a while, to visit other churches because my mission is different than their mission. that makes their mission no less valid, or important than mine. The missions they participate in and support over seas do some amazing and very important things. This is not a church that does nothing. Their mission is different than mine and that’s perfectly fine. That doesn’t mean I love them any less. 

I am once again sorry for any misinterpretations anyone had about either church. 

Where do I belong?

Years ago I went to a church I really loved.  I loved that they concentrated on loving the community. They went out not only on Sunday’s but also during the week to help people who were less fortunate or who were in need. Over half of the money they had went to helping people or organizations that helped people. I felt like I was doing the work God wanted me to do. The issue that I had with them, and the reason I ultimately left, was in how they dealt with their church members. I felt like in times of need they fell short on recognizing the need for help and how to properly help. I felt like they wanted the person to get past their need or their hurt, or hide it, quickly and get back to the “status quo”. At the time I left I was homeless, pregnant, and going through a divorce. I couldn’t wrap myself back up in a nice little bow and move on. So I moved on. 

I found myself at a church that I needed. They were the fellowship and compassion I had been looking for. I had never experienced a church who loved their members as much as they did. They recognized that people would fall and would need time to rebuild themselves.  I rebuilt myself there. I put myself back together over time. 

When I was put back together I had figured out, at least partially, where God wanted me. I knew I needed to help people in need.  To feed people, to teach people to hold onto more of what they make, and to help them spend less on the “necessities” of living (since the likely hood that people would find themselves making more Money is slim). I began to ask myself what my church was doing to help those outside the walls of the church. What were we doing To help the 15.3 million children who live in food insecure homes, or to combat the fact that over half of public school children live below the poverty line.  How about this statistic: if you can consider yourself middle class (making over $50,000 a year) you are doing better than 75% of Americans. I am not ok with this and I need a church who isn’t either. 

I find myself praying for God to show me where I am supposed to be. So out i go once again.

As for today’s sermon I leave you with these thoughts:

Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have for such sacrifices are pleasing to God- Hebrews 13:16

Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done. On EARTH as it is in heaven -part of the Lord’s prayer

Stop raining!!

We have a puddle. A wet murky puddle. We have a dozer, we have the money, what we don’t have is dry ground to work with. AS SOON AS it starts to dry up we will be getting everything in the ground, gravel in, and concrete down. We will also have our well drilled. 

We can do NOTHING until the ground is dry, or at least not a giant puddle. We were hoping we could start it this weekend. It rained yesterday and today. We are hoping for next weekend but we have rain predicted for Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. The good news is that this will allow us to save up more money so that we don’t have to be stalled with “lack of funds” for a while. So annoying though. 


To the person who called CPS

That’s right. We had the dreaded meeting with CPS today to defend our parenting. The complaint? Our “severely malnourished baby”, our “dirt house” that we are building and forcing our children to live in, and our favorite our “organic lifestyle”.  Instead of getting angry I have decided to write a letter. 

Dear person who called CPS,

I have several things to address with you.

1. I forgive you.  I knew this would happen one day and had been preparing for it. Truthfully I thought the complaint would be about the cabin we are living in that had cistern water and a wood burning stove for heat, but whatever.  Although now that I say this I am waiting for that call to come next, but just so you know when we have our home visit I am addressing those issues with her to nip that in the bud before it happens. 

2. You are a coward. Instead of coming to me with your issues you chose to do so anonymously and involve the state. If you had come to me directly I would have produced a Drs note (as I have in the past) addressing the fact that he is fine. In fact, here is a current picture of our malnourished baby


And I would have gladly gone over the house plans to ease any concerns you may have. 

3) we are also fully aware that we will have to deal with CPS many times to come. Why? Because people are afraid of off the grid living, but our 2,000+ square foot home that we will owe nothing on after 5 years will most likely impress the hell out of CPS and the joke will be on you. 

4) I want to thank you for reminding me that I’m a damn good mother. With all the stress of Cs new job I had forgotten this fact. I have great kids who are really happy and independent yet still mostly listen to me when I need them to. 

So as I sit here at the library, because it’s Monday and that’s library day, planning out what kind of tacos to have for taco Tuesday and getting ready to message my son’s new music teacher about his ukele lessons I feel sorry for you that you felt that my children were in such danger that you had to contact CPS. shame on you and good day. Also, an apology would be nice. 

Preparing for spring

MOur spring plants started to grow which means we needed to bring them outside.  C got up one day and started putting together a greenhouse. 3 hours later and this was up:
It doesn’t look like much but it’s 8×8 and holds temperature like crazy. We put a heater inside for the nights it gets below 35 and a thermometer that also measures humidity. One night the breaker blew and it dropped below freezing and we lost some of our plants but it wasn’t many and it’s still early enough to replant them. 

Finally an update!!!

The last you heard we were preparing to lay gravel in the driveway. We did. That Wednesday they came and dumped the gravel. It was a bit entertaining too. 

   Here is the gravel being laid nice and neatly.   

 Here is C pulling the gravel truck up the driveway after it got stuck. 
  And lastly the giant pile of gravel that we later had to spread out with the dozer. It was an interesting day but …
We have a usable driveway!!

We are probably one more load away from finishing it but for all intensive purposes it’s done!


Sometimes you have to be strong despite the fact that you really don’t want to be strong. I know that people have told me that I’m already strong but I still have yet to believe it. To me I’m still the 18-year-old kid trying to figure stuff out in the world of people who already have. So often all I want to do is sit down and cry instead of do the things that I have to do or need to do. Sometimes I’m a real brat about it.

The hardest thing that I’ve done so far is live in this cabin with C working third shift. I now have to do almost all the things that he used to do as well as the things that I used to do. It’s been really really cold here the last few days and we don’t have enough wood. He’s been chopping enough wood for me to last until about 10 o’clock at night but I needed to go until 1 o’clock in the afternoon. It’s not his fault he doesn’t have time.  He has 3 hours a day to do everything he needs to do and spend time with us.  I can’t imagine the stress he is going through. 

Our water jug needs plastic tubing to go frim the jug to the cistern and we have yet to get that. I haven’t been able to run laundry in almost a week because we don’t have enough water and all we need is a plastic tubing. There is no reason why I cant get this.

So this morning I threw a fit about it without actually throwing a fit about it. Instead I yelled and screamed at the kids knowing that it would keep him up. So that he would know how upset I was. It was childish and something we would punish our 11 and 5 year-old for doing.

On my way out the door with the kids I thought about how this morning could’ve gone better and I realize that I need to put my big girl panties on and do things I don’t want to do. And I don’t just mean I don’t want to do them I mean that I would rather “stab myself in the face “then do this thing, but if I don’t, if I just give up then what’s the point. I’ve asked  C to teach me to use the chainsaw so I can cut my own logs and I don’t have to blame him for not having heat. I will also buy the tubing that we need so I can run a load of laundry. I’m a big girl I can do these things myself and stop Blaming other people.

Working again

We love Cs job. It’s a tough place to work though. I haven’t been posting because I am still trying to navigate him working third shift. I’m finally figuring it out. I think I’m behind by about 4 blog posts. Hopefully I can post a house update tomorrow. There is so much really cool stuff going on!!   

Feminist is not a bad word

Yesterday it was all over the news that our governor Matt Bevin signed a law that says that women have to have a face-to-face meeting with their doctor before having an abortion. For some reason just really upset me, but I couldn’t understand why.  This morning I figured it out. 

We as women are given 100% of the blame of anything having to do with reproductive issues. Here in this great state of Kentucky most of the schools teach abstinence only education, many of the people are against birth-control, and if they can’t make abortion illegal they want to make it as difficult as they can to have it done.

To completely understand where I’m coming from I want you to knowthat I do not believe abortion is the answer. However I also do not believe in the laws we put in place are the answer either.  As young girls we are told that it is our job to keep men and boys from being sexually attracted to us. We have to completely cover up in schools wear baggy clothes and are sent home or sent to detention for not wearing correct clothing. We are told that we cannot and should not learn about sex even though “our male counterparts can’t control their sexual advances towards us”. We are told that it is our fault if we are raped. We are told that if we do have sex and get pregnant that is not our right to determine what happens to us and the baby. And if we do choose to have a baby it is up to us to figure out how to take care of it, and God forbid we ask for assistance. As a society we require almost zero accountability on the part of our partner. I say almost because there is child-support.

So what do I feel is the answer? The same answer that I have for every problem. Education. Education. Education. It has been shown over and over that states with abstinence only education have the highest rate of teen pregnancy.yet we continue to think that this is the answer. When abortion was illegal hospitals had entire wings dedicated to women suffering from botched abortions. Women died, frequently. I am not ok with that. Education is the only method that has ever been proven to work. By educating our children we are not showing acceptance towards sex. We can still teach our kids abstinence over anything else but you better believe I’m teaching my kids how to protect themselves if they do decide to have sex. By educating our kids we put the power in their hands. It’s our job to teach them how to have the moral standards that we believe in not to force it on them by forcing them to be ignorant. We need to teach both girls and boys how to control their sexual urges. We need to stop blaming girls for the actions of their male counterparts.  instead of forcing women to be intimidated by their doctors with the hope that they will feel bad enough that they won’t do it we should educate them before these things happen to know what their choices are if they do become pregnant,and how to prevent themselves from getting pregnant in the first place. And above all if women are going to have to jump through hoops then men who get these women pregnant should have to go through A state mandated sexual education class too. Stop making women the problem.