It's so hard sometimes to be the person you want to be, and that's ok. People are flawed, people mess up, and the world continues to turn. This has been one of the hardest things for me to learn over the years. I used to beat myself up for making mistakes, especially when those mistakes hurt other people. In those situations I used to try and manipulate other people's perceptions of reality to make myself look better. Nobody wants to be wrong, nobody wants to admit that they hurt someone. The most important thing I have learned in life is that my pride is not more important than the feelings of others. It took a lot of pain and heartache but giving up my pride has been the most freeing thing I have ever done.
Last night I hurt someone pretty badly. I didn't mean to, it wasn't intentional. They had hurt me and my family for a long time and I was mad, so I vented on the wrong forum and they saw it. I didn't try to downplay what I said or that I said it. I admitted to everything I did. However there is nothing wrong with me venting my frustration about being hurt by this person, but the way in which I did it was wrong. I should have made sure I was posting to the correct forum, or I should have spoken directly with friends who could have offered advice. What I actually should have done was never let it get to that point to begin with. I should have told the person I was upset from day 1. It may have led to us not speaking long before this, or it may have made us actually have a relationship, who knows. I like to tell myself that I don't care what this person thinks about me, but I obviously did if I was afraid to tell them that they had hurt me to begin with. Hopefully in the future I will learn from this. Life is all just a learning process anyway.
